Pacific Coast Highway California Trip | Atlanta Film Photographer | Destination Photographer

Truth be told— it’s time to embrace ALL OF THIS and stop letting fear of failure, fear of judgment, guilt and shame shape my life. These are not the driving force that should run anyone’s life. God put light, love, peace, joy and victory before me and I needed to GET IT TOGETHER. The Bible says that Satan masquerades in all forms he will do everything and anything to stop our light from shining. In my case, it was hardship between me and my son. Never feeling good enough in my creativity and business. Doubting if I was worth loving. Taking my husband for granted. All these things put together in one big blender spills out MESS. Vu has been like a solid rock that has held everything together in the family. He is patient, kind, wise and through everything he has loved both me and Jordan in our stubbornness, in our craziness and whenever tension flies out the roof—he manages to keep his cool through it all. Man I don’t know how he does it but I admire this man and am so thankful for his strength and love. He’s always told me that even when he first met me he was drawn to my confidence and that I knew how to make things happen, that I just go for it. And I think that’s what really broke me down at the start of 2015. When things felt out of control and that LIFE wasn’t what I pictured. I always told myself I would do everything in my power to have a loving relationship with my son because growing up it’s all I ever wanted from my parents but felt I never got. And seeing the resentment and hate build up between me and Jordan was just more than I could bare. I just couldn’t seem to get it together. The thought of failure as a mother, going into a depression, developing social awkwardness, feeling judged and alone even in a room full of people—it was just too much. Whoever Vu fell in love with then couldn’t be this person now. AND that’s why I needed this time for myself. This long stretch of time. I wasn’t going to find myself, my voice, my purpose hiding behind my creativity or working my butt off, proving I could run a successful business. I needed space and time to breathe.

I’m loving this unpredictable path. It’s the best thing that I could have done for myself. Letting it all go and not giving any F***s. So far I’ve crossed paths with some amazing people who have shared insights that I needed to hear. I’ve been learning to trust my intuition and that encouragement and discernment is one of the gifts God has blessed me with.

When I started the photography business I wrote down in my journal that the foundation of the business was to connect with people and love up on them. When it started to go in a different direction I knew something wasn’t right. It was time to reset and re-evaluate.

When I homeschooled Jordan it was to work closely with him and allow him to flourish in his gifts and potential. That also took a different turn. I hung around a tight-knit group of friends that somehow always made me feel like nothing I did was good in the sight of God. That everything I did was judged and against scriptures. I knew things were not right and I kept going and going turning a blind eye to it. Thank the Lord that he finally allowed me to see what was in front of me. I think about the hardships and anguish I went through—blaming God for so many things that didn’t turn out like I pictured. I think about the loneliness he put inside me. That chapter of my life has instilled in me a deep compassion for those struggling to find their voice and listen to their intuition. We were made in the image of God and his spirit is within us. We may feel out of place in this world, we may feel like things will never change, we may be dealing with a physical disability, stress from work or in relationships, whatever we are dealing with—this present situation has already been destined. We can choose to walk with God and allow him to shape our character, glorify him and shed light on this world, or we can choose to hide in fear and keep quiet. You have to decide what is best for you. Sometimes that decision means getting out of your comfort zone and trusting that the bigger picture is in God’s hands.