Dreamy Golden Light | Joshua Tree Photoshoot | SoCal

I don’t think I’m alone in this but I’ll say it anyway… it is such a struggle and so damn frickin hard to love the ‘now’ mom bod. No matter how much walking or toning exercises I did or if I followed a strict diet, took all the supplements etc., nothing worked. Nothing. I knew when we were going to take our San Diego trip that I needed to tone up and lose a few pounds. Why? Because I love California and knew I was going to take a million photos duh. I wanted to be somewhat happy with my images without having to liquify the crap out of my arms, and oh my gosh, the neck budge. I wasn’t set on losing 10 pounds or even 5. It just wouldn’t have been possible to do in a short amount of time. I just wanted to shed the bloating weight and tone my arms. I knew it was wasted energy to focus on the belly because the mom pooch really never ever goes away. But it was hard for me to accept nonetheless. The mom bod. I was struggling with the new weight. It’s been hard for me to get in front of the camera without worrying how it will turn out. I still take lots of photos with my babies because I want those memories but I don’t always love how I look in them and I try not to care about it because all that really matter was having the photos. I don’t want to come across as a shallow person who puts looks before anything but I just want to share that losing weight was never an issue for me. I gained weight when I dated Vu (hello new relationship happy status) and I even gained weight during the hardship of depression. But it was easy enough to follow a diet and discipline myself to lose the weight. I also didn’t have a mom pooch back then.

To be fair, I had Jordan when I was very young (at the age of 20) and I was fortunate to lose all my pregnancy weight and was even more fit after that than I had been before. at that time, I was one of the lucky ones that bounced back super quickly and was probably more fit after that pregnancy than I was before it. But having kids later in the game and after having turned 40, losing weight has been one incredibly hard feat. For a super long time, well after  post-partum with my last child…I just did not love my body. And even now…I don’t 100% love it. It sucks. To feel and think this way but the struggle is real. I, of all people know, and understand, the monumental feat it is to have nurture and birth a human—I mean, it truly is the most accomplished thing I probably will ever have done in this entire lifetime. Giving birth to my lovely children. So I try very hard to tell myself, this mom bod is a blessing. It doesn’t mean I shouldn’t take care of myself with exercise and all, it was more so that whatever I tried, in the time that I’m given, I mean, I am taking care of two little kids, but the little time I had to exercise, it wasn’t working.

So here we are! Long story short, I somehow found a plan that actually worked. It’s almost laughable. I went on the sourdough craze y’all. Who knew that for me, after turning 40, sourdough was the answer. I learned to make my own sourdough bread and I eat it with every meal. I won’t get into the health benefits of sourdough but we should all know that sourdough bread has a lower glycemic index and it contains healthy bacteria known as probiotics. So when I include it with whatever meal I’m eating, it helps me feel full without the bloating and as a by product, I not only get to eat carbs, but I have been able to stick to portion control because of feeling satiated. I promise y’all I will do a full blog post on my sourdough journey but today I am sharing photos from a mini session I had the hubby do for me out in Joshua Tree.

We did hire Tina Chiou to complete our family session cause this mama was not gonna attempt the tripod like usual but it didn’t mean I was not gonna take photos myself. All the years of directing the hubby how to snap shots of me paid off, at least this trip it did lol. Guys, it has been a super super long time where I’ve felt this comfortable with just being myself in front of the camera. Being out in Joshua Tree and taking these photos also really made me miss traveling with photographer friends. Back in the days when we use to trade mini sessions of each other where hoping in the car for an all day road trip was easy to do. It was so fun!

The hubby did a fantastic job and I’m so happy to have done this mini session for myself. It’s the stage in my motherhood journey where I’ve accepted that I will never get that 30 year old body back and it’s okay. This is the part of my motherhood journey where I’m accepting that this is the body God has given me and it was this very body that create life.

Guys, I wanted to make sure I gave a shout out to the fashion apparel store Desert Nest Co out in Yucca Valley. I originally had a different shirt paired with these floral pants but on day one of vacation I ate too much and already felted so bloated. I know most people probably wouldn’t have even noticed but as the saying goes, it’s what makes you happy, no one else. So I had to search for another top and Desert Nest Co had so many options. I almost wish I had shopped more but I knew I couldn’t fit anything else in my suitcase going home. But I love this mock-neck top!!!

I also had a 2nd outfit prepared for our family session with Tiny but guys, I struggled so bad when I changed into it. I just did not like the way I felt (bloated and heavy) so I changed back into outfit one. The next day I told myself, let me just go ahead and wear this outfit and maybe I can photoshop myself. It’s not like I’ll ever come back to Joshua Tree desert. But the photos turned out so good! We are always our own worst critic and besides some skin smoothing on the back end, I am happy to say I didn’t have to slim my arms down. Thank you Lord. I know it sounds so silly (not to be dramatic) but these really are the struggles of being a woman even though it shouldn’t be.

I added this hat that belonged to the AirBnB we stayed at and it was a fun accessory to play with lol. I had the hubby snap a few frames on film at the AirBnb but at the open field/valley we chased the sunset with one camera.

I’m so happy I did this session for myself. I’m sure the struggle will come and go when it comes to post-partum weight but I’m doing my best to not be so hard on myself. I’m trying to remember that I can be kind in my thoughts to myself not just to others. If anyone deserve kindness shouldn’t it be ourselves as well? This is the body God gave me to be the mother and caretaker I need to be for my family. Cheers friends!